I was watching old episodes of Brothers and Sisters yesterday, and the mom character Nora was contemplating leaving her children in California to be with her later-in-life partner in DC (played by Danny Glover). She realizes that her life has been defined by her children, being a mother. She says that maybe she just doesn't like being around herself, that she "doesn't feel like anything has happened unless she tells one of [her children]."
I would have never thought the two were connected. When people kept telling me, Oh, you have to learn to love yourself and love being by yourself, it never occurred to me that allowing experiences to live on their own, in your heart was part of it.
If anything happens to me, I want to share it, and if I'm not able, I feel like a total loser with no friends. But more and more I do wish I could keep things to myself. Not secrets, per se, but just a part of my heart that is not on display. If the whole not-liking-your-own-company thing and telling-everyone-thing are related, then I definitely want to work on that.
The blog won't really be a problem, no one reads it. :-)
YAY California! I'm so proud of them for allowing gay marriage (if you're into that whole heteronormative expression of love).
2 comments:
If no one reads it, then why blog at all? For the same reason, I guess, that I write my journal entries as if I'm speaking to a third audience: providing background on new characters (people) in my life, delineating dialouge with the proper line spaces and quotes . . .
Dude, YES, about the gay marriage in California! I read that story on Thursday and started saying "Kick ass!" to the computer over and over again. Then I saw the story on the news yesterday and started yelling at the t.v. "That's right! F*** you!"
I don't know if you've noticed, but I don't curse. And then Ellen announced that she and Portia de Rossi are now engaged that just makes my heart so big.
There's progress being made. It'll probably be ugly, but it's getting made.
you blog because i read every one of your posts.. j/k
but forreal keep it up because maybe what you have to give to the air in writing is more about what you can give yourself.
more and more i have come to believe that words with out deeds are empty.
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